[unfinished essay]

Here is an essay I started a week or so ago. I haven't finished it yet; I hope to add an ending, add some statistical data and eventually submit it to some magazines. But I wanted to share it now in case that takes me a long time.


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When my son Nolan was born I took a break from a high-stress job and went back to school to earn a master’s degree in business administration. During my time in graduate school I began studying in earnest about work/life balance. I took business ethics classes that focused on this topic, partially because it jived with my personal philosophies but also because I secretly hoped they would provide a how-to manual on finding a mother-friendly work environment after college.

Women face a painful conundrum in the U.S. We are simultaneously told that it is our responsibility to be the primary caregivers for our children, but we are not supported as employees in fulfilling this role. In fact we are punished for being mothers that work, for arranging our schedule to pick our children up from school or for taking maternity leave after the birth of a child.

Faced with this conundrum it seems the only comfortable answer is to either stay at home with our children, or, if we want to work, not have any children at all. And yet from a young age American daughters are increasingly being told that they can be anything, do anything, go to college and have a career. It’s not until that daughter starts her career that she learns about these rules.

The real story for America’s daughters is this: You can excel in school, get a degree and choose any career you wish. The sky is the limit. But the day you have a child – the day you admit to being a mother – gasp! – is the day you will understand sexism fully. Your world will change; suddenly your coworkers may resent you and your boss may not trust you any more. So reach for the stars daughter, but know that they may be taken from you.

There is no dirtier word in working America than “mother”. So you’d better keep it under your hat if you want to keep your job, keep the respect you’ve earned, and keep your pay. Play is safe and don’t tell anyone about the beautiful children you love passionately every second of the day. Don’t talk about them or this double life you lead, lest anyone question your commitment to you job.

When Sarah Palin was added to the Republican Presidential ticket as John McCain’s running mate, the question in the media quickly shifted from “Is she experienced enough?” to “Doesn’t she have five children? Can she do it all?.” This is an incredibly sexist point to raise, and yet that didn’t seem to occur to the countless reporters and commentators posing the question and bringing it to America’s lips. No one asked if Barak Obama should be running for President with two small daughters to raise, but because Palin is a mother – gasp! – her trustworthiness as a working woman is in question. And while it was taboo to talk about Hillary’s qualifications in the same breath as her being a woman – because that is clearly sexist – it has become acceptable to talk about Palin’s qualifications in reference to her being a mother.

Framing Palin’s qualifications for the job of Vice President in this way sets the feminist movement back 30 years. It’s an ironic turn of events in an election year when two women were in the running for the oval office; when we had such high hopes that both sexism and racism were taking a kick in the pants.

I believe that working women contribute something uniquely rich and irreplaceable to the American work force. I believe that driving working mothers out of the American work force with discriminatory corporate policies and cultures, lack of leave, lack of support and inequitable pay practices will not only hurt these women, but hurt American productivity and innovation as a whole.

I am inspired by stories of working mothers who have not faced this discrimination, and companies who have made policies to support them. But sadly these stories and these companies are the exception not the rule. The vast majority of working mothers in America do not have paid maternity leave, flexible scheduling or other policies that explicitly support parenting. And without explicit support, working mothers will continue to face serious social and economic consequences.